The boy-mum initiation

The other day a friend promised me that while bringing up boys might feel like more work up front than girls, it gets easier. It really does, she told me, as I exhaled a sigh of relief.

“When my teenager’s male friends visit, it’s great fun,” she said. “If the girls come over as well, there’s always two crying in the toilet.”

But, as all boy-mums know, there’s an initiation you have to go through, before you can honestly say you no longer feel winded by the non-stop action, the catapulting off couches, and the, ahem, appendage comparisons. Here, I give to you, my boy-mum indoctrination, in its four distinct phases:

Squirming, kicking, running -   catch him if you can!

Squirming, kicking, running – catch him if you can!

Phase 1 [with a health warning]: While friends with crayon-loving girls are able to entertain their children with colouring and hair clips, you realise your boy has more energy than an atomic explosion. He scales the furniture, hurtles round the room like a mini tornado and has turbo-charged growth spurts. Continually ravenous, his ability to turn anything from a stick to a finger into a weapon is disconcerting. Between your morning latte and lights out, you save his life at least three times, and you’re so full of nervous energy yourself, your eyes are practically on stalks. There are days when you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck.

Phase 2: You’ve emerged, with battle scars, from the horrors of toilet training, and learn that your boy would rather plunge the scissors into his thigh than wash his hands. He’s attracted to dirt, puddles, even dog poo, like bees are to honey. Your voice has taken on a shrill tone; it doesn’t even sound like you, but listen to it you must because your boy only hears what he wants to hear.

Phase 3: You’ve given up trying to keep him clean, you never wear your nicest clothes around him and you’ve learnt how to block out the decibels. He zips through activities in seconds, practically burning up the carpet, and takes risks at every opportunity. “What’s the worst that could happen?” you think. The answer is you don’t know, and would hate to find out. Despite the boisterous ways and toilet talk, you notice he’s developed a penchant for your heels.

Phase 4: You find out that your boy is an incredibly affectionate creature. You’re the apple of his eye, and you’re so loved up, it’s like being on a ‘boy-moon’. He slips his little hand in yours and says sweet things, before running off to kick a ball. You feel special, adored. The mother-son bond is unbreakable. You’re Kate Middie in McQueen. An empress – on speed. Because don’t think your life is about to get easier. It’s not that slowing down is bottom of your boy’s priority list. It’s not even on it.

About Circles in the Sand

Sun worshiper, journalist, mother, pilot's wife and distracted housewife living in the land of glitz and sand
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10 Responses to The boy-mum initiation

  1. Dubai Mum says:

    And the blood, cuts and bruises belong to every stage! Due to 2 recent accidents, DS2’s face looks like he was tortured with chicken wire and a chisel (ran into the badminton net in the garden and fell head first over his scooter handlebars to do a face plant on the tarmac!)……but boys will be boys!

    • OUch!!! The second accident in particular must have been painful..I hope he’s okay! x ps, I meant to tell you: we just had a delivery from Kids Rooms – bunk beds! I’ve put lots of mats all around in anticipation of them swinging off the ladder, diving from the top, etc!

      • Dubai Mum says:

        I have only just discovered the ‘bubble’ at the top of the admin page. I haven’t received some comments via my email address and now feel so embarrassed that I have missed the ones that are coming through on this bubble! DS2 is fine….marks clearing up though his face has not been made any ‘prettier’ by the subsequent mosquito bites! Good luck with the bunk beds. My 2 love them now, and somehow manage to behave (for the most part). I think the pure excitement of the bunk beds is enticing enough to make them get to bed on time….at least for the first week….Good luck!

  2. tracye1 says:

    Our oldest two are boys and they ABSOLUTELY were far more physical than our highly emotional girls…..Up until a year ago my favorite refrigerator magnet was “Mothers of sons work from son up to son down”. True. Words.

  3. Pingback: Boys will be boys « Where's my ruby slippers?

  4. My sons are now 22 and 21. Boys have more energy than anyone should have to cope with, but the upside is that you never have to have a teenage daughter run sobbing away from you because “You don’t understand anything at all. Ever!”

    Sons or Daughters will come through the process of growing up and we will love them every step of the way.

  5. Iota says:

    I have two boys and then a girl. So different. I used to watch with envy while other people’s toddlers sat and crayoned quietly in restaurants. That one struck a chord. I’m glad I had boys first and then a girl. If it was the other way round, I think it would be quite a shock.

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